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An epic plumbing disaster

Tamsyn Taylor

Tamsyn Tylor,

Colchester, UK,

North Hill

Part of my house is older than the USA; sounds like a fairy tale, but keeping up with modern levels of comfort is costly. The house has been renovated every 30 years or so.

I was lucky to have my son Tom and our friend and a lodger Ricky in the house at the time of doing a much needed roof insulation. Probably the old house wanted to be restored thoroughly, not minding the costs and expenses.

After a long working day Ricky went to have a shower to make himself pretty; you never know, might to pull a bird in the pub. He and Tom were about to go out for a pint and a fag. I was waiting for them to sod off so I can binge watch the Essex version of “Sat Yes to a Dress”, so I went to the kitchen to make myself a cuppa.

Just in time to see a brook streaming down the walls from my kitchen ceiling! The streaks of water were diverting into several directions, one moved towards the sockets and others were gaily spraying all over the kitchen like a smoke alarm. I shouted out for Tom and he dashed upstairs to the bathroom screaming “Ricky stop! Stop showering!”.

Ricky didn’t take him seriously at first, so Tom just switched of the shower and the soapy geezer had to finish bathing his bits in a sink. Meanwhile Thomas found an industrial hammer, which to me looks more like a war mallet and rushed to the kitchen.

So, an Englishman in his castle jumped onto the kitchen bench and proceeded eagerly smashing the ceiling into pieces. He was having too much fun doing it for my taste. Minding that the sink was piled with dirty dishes, cups of tea and, well just everything was rapidly covered with a bits of plaster and a thick layer of dust. Ricky finally swagged down wearing a small blue towel with pink bunnies on it, looked at what Tom was doing, paused, pointed at Tom saying “He is MC Hammer, now you can’t touch… well, everything in this kitchen.”

Tomas’s destructive strategic move paid off. The electrics were saved from water, hurrah. Now the only problems were a blocked drain, a leaking shower alcove, and the overall state of the kitchen. What used to a ceiling was evenly crumbled on every surface in the kitchen, even the vertical once. There was a plus in the situation; we could see beautiful medieval beams to which the 1960th plasterboard ceiling was attached.

A plumbing investigation determined the culprit – it was a hairball.

I believe that this plumbing story takes the five points.

It was one – unexpected,

two – lead to an elimination of a substantial part of a kitchen,

three – at least one naked and soapy man was wandering in a corridor as a result,

four – it was messy,

five – it was caused just by a little ball of hair!

The moral of the story is this – don’t underestimate the power of hairballs.

1 Answer
Daria Esenina
Best Answer

I like the fact that you still found a bright side in that scenario - who needs a ceiling that hides those gorgeous medieval beams!)))